all the memories so close to me just fade away ...

Im still on my bed ... I dont know what to do , really .

I got really worried so i texted K ...

I asked her where she was ... The lsst time i heard from her , was months ago . Yeah i did 'hated' her for going missin but all the memories we had together since the start , i cant just push it away . We were best friends ... Together with AJ ...

I wasnt expectin a reply but i did got one but it wasnt meant to be sent to me . It was meant to be sent to her Bf i assume ... She told the other person that i texted her and that she didnt reply ...

Id rather have no replies as compared to that one text she sent wrongly .

I do wanna know what she's been up to and has she been sketchin or whatever . We made plans . Our guitar plans , our paintin plans . What happened ? Yeah clearly she chose her bf over me and AJ but at least reply .

Why are you ignoring your friends ?

It's not the first time she went missing on us but im still worried sick . Somethin might have happened and i didnt know ?

I dont even know any single thing now ... So i figured i could ask her but all i got was a reply that wasnt supposed to be sent to me .

Im just ... Disappointed .

I might have been a not so good friend but you can tell me ...

I dont know how it's gonna work . We'll be in the same school , takin the same course . Remember when you went to school before the interview date itself ? We helped you with your artworks ... We supported you . You got yourself in Laselle .

We're all happy . But why disappear ?

I dont agree with you all the time but you always voice out your own opinion and ill just agree to it cause thats how we work .

Yeah maybe you went missing because im not a big fan of your relationship . But im a big ass fan of our friendship so how ?

Your friends were here first .

No one else .

I just dont know what to do anymore

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Head on the grass

rebleached again . Yeah still uneven . aha lost my ability to dye my own hair .

Mom says i should go black . I don't know . I want to go ash blonde .

Urgh i don't know .

Anyways , i feel feverish . I'm not sure what happened but the headache is definitely back .

It's been going on for two days already . Today is the day that my MC expires . 

I'll go back to work on tuesday .

Tuesday to Friday + Sunday = work .

I want to work  EVERYDAY if i could .

you know what ? I think my confidence is building up . :') I can go out without feeling ultra paranoid now .

Or maybe it's just a phase . Maybe i'll be all paranoid again soon . It's always like that . Shucks .

Don't know what to do anymore .

Went to the CC today to watch D'rectify practise . They're really , really good . I miss keyboarding with em of course but i did the right choice by leavin ... they are like , WORLD CLASS as compared to me .

Everyone of em can play the drums , guitar and bass . I mean , they can just like swap instruments without a problem ! When i was with em , all i could play was the keyboard and the guitar 0_0

i felt pathetic .

oh wait , I AM pathetic . lol .

But they're genuinely good and i'm sure nothing's gonna stop them from going far with their music .

After a few hours , Ferr and i went home . I didn't wanna leave THAT early but the headache was getting on my nerves . Thank God the bus wasn't crowded when we went on it .

- - - 

shizz . I totally ran out of things to talk about . Maybe it's the headache . Will be back .

<3

.

What i did .

crazy shizz . A dude from Omegle told me to see this a few months ago and i'm watching it again . lol 

IT'S SO COOL .

watch their other videos too ! :D

home .

awesomeeee .

Today's Wednesday , 23rd May . 

so ... 3 more days till i'm back to work . 

TOO FAST . Ferr's back from her 3 days camp . 0_0

the speed of EVERYTHING is INCREASING so much ...

i mean , come on , what's the rush ?

Gonna stay at home for the next 3 to 4 days ... I wanna go to work but at the same time , i don't .

Don't want to work with WB cause she'll just piss me off even more . 

I don't even know when's my pay but it'll prolly be at the end of this month . 

I don't feel like doing anything today . 

i just want to sit and stare into space for ... as long as i can . I've tried and Kira went all " ARE YOU F-ING CRAZY ?! " LMAO .

Some parts of my body got darker from the intense heat yesterday . I do not mind getting a tan but UNEVEN TAN ?! Hell no ... i'll look even more retarded than i already am , okay ?

i've been on the comp since ... 3 hours ago ? two ? I don't even know ...

Today will end soon and then tomorrow will end and then the next day will end and then it'll be 

2013 and i'll be 18 O.O omg no ...

i wanna start working out again but i'll just keep saying that . WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME .

i'm being extra lazy . I don't even wanna lift my arms up . lol .

Yesterday's blog post was supposed to be longer but i felt something move behind me so i quickly logged off the computer and rushed to Kira's room . I'm sure that it was just my colorful imagination but it's still getting on my nerves . I don't want to be all paranoid over nothing . Jeez .

okay , i gotta go . 

go where ?

i dont even know .

<3 

Scorching sun .

So today i went out with Nina , Fae and Bam ! 

Was really excited until i found out that the Olympus didn't wanna be turned on .

lol sounds weird but really . The battery is fully charged , i checked and when i was in the bus , the thing just won't ON . 

Boy , was i mad .

We were supposed to have a shoot .

So we had to stick with our phones but i'm really surprised with the end product .

The pictures we took from my HTC turned out great ! 

The day didn't start off well though . I almost died from the heat . I know this sounds ultra exaggerated but i am SERIOUS ! I didn't know what to do and i felt completely hopeless because there weren't any shades for us to sit on so we had to just sit on the ground and my butt felt like it got fried ... 0_0 trust me , you don't wanna know what it feels like .

So i took my extra clothes out from my bag and sat on em and MY BUTT STILL HURT FROM THE EXTREME HEAT .

i covered myself with a coat though cause i didn't wanna get uneven tan and i looked crazy with the coat on but it kinda helped me through the heat . I know it sounds weird and stupid but really . 

It was just ... hell . For me , at least .

I really didn't know what to do . I couldn't even breathe cause the air was too hot . How is that even possible ?

I'm supposed to be used to it cause here in Singapore , the weather is ALWAYS HOT but somehow the heat today ... went wild .

And we got all dizzy and so Nina and Fae bought drinks while Bam and i hid ourselves under our clothes .

I don't want to ever experience that shit again :'( i really don't . I think i might have a new phobia .

Scared of the sun . lol . Possible ? yes ?

I really , don't wanna ever do that again . I will just stay at home when the sun is out . 

Yes i will do that .

Nina !

this is non edited though . Lovely ain't it ?

 so this is prolly the first ever picture of me smiling with my teeth shown . Yes my teeth ain't perfect .

 Fae's new guitar ! 

The camera has like different modes so i can edit em pictures on the spot . Much love .

I mean , they have editing options on ALL SMART PHONES But i really like mine so yes .

So we went to the Eco Garden ! It is definitely gorgeous but the heat totally spoiled it . 

But we had fun nonetheless . 

I brought em girls  there cause they've never been there before since it's a new park and they loved it ! 

It looks like we're on some random country side instead of a park in Singapore .

The park is just gorgeous . Nuff said .

We stayed till 8pm plus and it was so dark . We had to go off soon after cause of the lightning . 

The park isn't light up at night which is why there's a sign that says " get out by 7pm as it won't be lighted "

but who cares ... We had light sabers ! 

Sang a lot of songs together ! I'm in love with all their songs . I am SO NOT KIDDING .

I don't know what i'll do if they don't make it far in life with their music . They are Amazing .

nuff said for that too .

Recorded a few videos . Gonna upload em on my Youtube channel so stay tuned .

aha . I'm not gonna be IN the video though . I'm just spreading their music around because they deserve to be known . 

They like my songs :') I've never sang to anyone though . Except my sisters because they're always around and i can't possibly hide from em . -_- 

 i wanna start making videos but as usual , INSECURITIES .

So anyway , we went out with our light sabers and walked to PR through the park connectors .

Singapore is unbelievably PUNY .

yes , PUNY . 

Had our meal at PR and then went home . Well , I went home while they stayed on .

Hope we'll go "skinny dippin" again ! 

AND i really hope we'll make another guitar session together just like we always do .

<3 Rainn